Shine Hell - You Know You Like Hellsing Too Much When...

As a Hellsing fan, you're bound to do some silly things in the name of your fandom. But there are limits to what a fan will reasonably do - limits based on things such as practicality, sanity, and the laws of physics. If you're close to those limits, you may have a hard time telling where they are. How far is too far?

The seventh page of the fan-compiled handy reference list:

You Know You Like Hellsing Too Much When . . .

More from taylormt@zoominternet.net:

...you inform the Vatican that a master vampire has been living safely in Venice for hundreds of years and demand to know why Section XIII has not acted, along with a private audience with Archbishop Enrico Maxwell.
...and when they suggest you go to a therapist, you try to taunt them by saying that Hellsing has mobilized.
...and call them "Iscariot scum" when you hang up.
...you submit a paper to the American Psychological Association disproving the mental problems of Alucard, the Major, and Anderson.
...you are given a teaching position at Oxford to lecture on the merits of Hellsing.
...your therapist talks to Alucard with you.

Mrs. Tepes has done each and every one of these:

...you bring reference pictures and at least four of the manga to a salon so you can get your hair done like Alucard's.
...and you're a girl.
...you have a "Duck Season!"/"Rabbit Season!"-like conversation with your boyfriend, and wind up making a deal with him that you will go as Alucard and he will go as Seras.
...you try to figure out where Alucard keeps his guns, in order to do the same thing with your cosplay outfit.
...then remember that you have a relative at a police staition/jail who may be able to borrow a double sholder holster for you.
...you start calling your big shaggy black dog Alupuppy (even if he's not all black) and avoid petting his head until you've checked to be sure that he doesn't have six extra eyes.
...you develop the urge to bite your boyfriend when kissing/making out, and want him to bite you back.
...you start looking up everything you can about Dracula land re-read the manga over and overl so that when you cosplay you can stay in character and even answer questions/spill out facts.

A couple from valafar:

...you have your friend create an Anderplant and parade him around in a bag.
...you make one for your friend and then water him.

Thought up by Wendy:

...you remember an old favorite song/band by watching Hellsing AMVs on YouTube.
...you find a new favorite song/band by watching Hellsing AMVs on YouTube.
...you listen to a song even though you hate it, just because someone made a Hellsing AMV out of it. (Specifically "Bringing Sexy Back" done as an Alucard tribute.)
...you get in an argument with your husband about how unprofessional it would be to have an Alucard resin statue on your desk at work, and you still think it's just because he's jealous.
...you're hoping that if you ask for BOTH the Integra and Alucard statues, maybe hubby will relent and buy them for you.
...part of your daily routine is stalking on DeviantArt to see if they've posted any new Hellsing art.
...you check SHINE every morning for the Hellsing and Sailor Hellsing updates, AT WORK, even before clocking in or checking your business emails.
...you cried when your company's spam filters were updated to block DeviantArt and all your favorite fanfic sites.
...you buy a internet-compatible phone just so you can still read fanfic at work.
...you will read any Hellsing fanfic to get your fix, including OOC stories, original characters, songfics, and poems.
...you email authors of your favorite Hellsing fanfic series, begging for a fix.
...out of utter desperation, you started WRITING fanfic.
...even OOC stories, original characters, songfics, and poems.
...and of course.... you write YKYLHTMW's at work.

Courtesy of meedredmeat:

...you know that all the chapter titles of the manga are video game titles.
...you don't talk to your friend for a few days after he bends the cover of one of your Hellsing books.
...you can't get attached to any other anime, because you feel that that would be betrayal.
...You actually spent the 20-something dollars to get the little figurines of Alucard and Anderson and keep the packaging they were shipped in, knowing and treasuring the fact that these boxes were in Japan at one point.
...and you can spend at least fifteen minutes on end staring at them.
...you can’t bring yourself to watch any movie adaptation of Dracula, because Dracula never looks like Alucard.
...you make it your personal mission to create a hellsing cult at your school before you graduate.
...everything you read in English somehow relates back to Hellsing.
...you spend great amounts of time coming up with Walter's background.
...you get angry when Walter's last name is spelled "Dollneaz" instead of "Dornez".
...and you end up muting the TV whenever somebody says his last name in the OVAs.
...you want to have Walter as your grandfather.
...yet you also secretly wish you could travel back in time and hit on Young Walter.
...you want to personally direct The Dawn anime, because you have your own ideas as to how it should go, despite what anyone else says.
...you become extremely distressed when someone brings up their opinion that Walter betrayed Hellsing.
...the premise of Chibi Vampire eludes you completely, because there's no Alucard lopping people's heads off.
...you judge all music on how well it could be made into a Hellsing AMV.
...you research the history of the name of every character and are disappointed when you discover that nobody else has ever named their child Integra, as far as the statistics know.
...you know the entire background on the original Operation Sea Lion.
...you strongly believe that Alucard is the answer to this child-molesting priest business.
...the Billy and Mandy version of Dracula makes your brain come to a grinding halt.
...you make miis out of all the characters, then make Alucard and Anderson fight each other in dogfight mode on Wii Sports Resort.
...then you make them beat each other up in swordplay mode just to watch Anderson go tumbling into the water every time.
...you struggle endlessly to make your Xbox 360 avatar look like Girlycard or the Major, despite the fact that you don't have Live.
...you think about all the ways Alucard would attack a blood donation truck every time there's a blood drive at school or the library.
...you know the year that nearly every character was born on and know that Wikipedia is WRONG!!
...you find yourself perfectly justified in cussing because Jan does it.
...you insist on buying Maxwell House coffee.
...you know the names of obscure hats like the pillbox hat and the Australian slouch hat.
...you find nothing wrong with romance between young Integra and Alucard, despite the fact that it could be considered pedophilia.
...you are completely firm in your decision as to whether Heinkel is male or female...and nobody is gonna change your mind. Nobody.
...you can translate Der Freischütz.
...you think in a London accent.
...you start mentally quoting Jan when you're feeling particularly badass.
...your drawings of the characters start getting on everything from your history homework to your math test.
...you start jumping up and down excitedly when you hear Crispin Freeman's voice in another anime.
...you wonder how Crispin Freeman can look so much like Robert Pattinson, and finally come to the conclusion that it's "a vampire thing".
...then you notice that both the aforementioned resemble Elvis during the 50's. Elvis become a vampire in your mind.
...you want more than anything for your school orchestra to play some of the songs from the OVAs.
...you can't go anywhere without at least one of the books on hand.
...you pester your friends into reading/watching Hellsing, even if it takes months.
...you would love to do your next literary analysis paper on Hellsing because you can prove its literary value with your long list of theses pertaining to feminism, human qualities and warfare.
...your Christmas wish list consists mainly of Hellsing stuff.
...you've seen every single Solid & Etc. picture and saved the vast majority of them to your computer, all meticulously organized by character.
...and then proceed to learn Japanese with the sole intent of figuring out what the little chibi comics are saying.
...you secretly hope Alucard will show up when you get a cut.
...you denounce Call of Duty's originality by saying that Hellsing had nazi zombies first.
...you take pictures of black dogs that resemble Alucard (puppycard).
...you try to imitate some of Alucard's expressions, even though you only end up making your facial muscles hurt.
...you have decided that if you are diagnosed with a terminal illness, you are going to the Make A Wish foundation and requesting a trip to Poland to hear the Warsaw Philharmonic play the OVA music.
...you're more open to strange pairings than you would have been if you hadn't read all that smut.
...you draw pictures of what you think Pip and Seras' baby would look like.
...you are thoroughly convinced that Alucard would beat Sebastian to a pulp.
...you've read Hirano's other works, despite the fact that they're badly drawn hentai, just so you can see the early versions of Pip, Anderson and other characters.
...you pull up the Adachi Ward on Google Earth.
...you lament over the fact that you don't live close enough to Hirano to be his assistant whenever you see the little side notes in the books.
...you curse Dark Horse Comics for screwing up Walter's dialogue, but buy the books anyway.
...you're too busy drawing Hellsing pictures to sleep on a school night.
...you endlessly ponder what the phrase "clockwork giant pandas" might mean.
...you bitterly despise Encyclopedia Dramatica because of their entry on Hellsing.
...you are convinced that Dr. Mengele stole Walter's nickname.
...when it comes to WWII history, you have little to no interest in the eastern front and prefer to learn about the western front in hopes of making a reference to The Dawn.
...you figure that the reason Winston Churchill never said anything about Hellsing was because he was sworn to secrecy.
...you have decided that Alfred no longer counts as a butler because he doesn't kick enough butt or serve enough Ceylon tea.
...you are surprised when Google Images pulls up images of the fairytale Rip Van Winkle instead of the Nazi vampire.
...you reply with "jawohl" instead of "yes".
...Van Helsing no longer counts as a movie; it's only a cheap knockoff of Alucard's greatness.
...you cried over Pip and Walter's deaths.
...you know exactly what a Hellsing video game would be like.
...you pretend to be Alucard whenever you drink a Capri Sun.
...you imitate Anderson's speech ("if anyone does not so love the lord," etc...) in the original Japanese version at the top of your lungs.
...you know all about the Ripley Scroll and can spend long hours wondering how it might relate to Hellsing.
...you refuse to buy the OVAs unless they are the limited edition version that comes in the steelbook case.
...your internet browser and word processing program no longer think that 'Hellsing' isn't a real word.
...you look back over your entire YKYLHTMW list and wonder if you need therapy...

All done in real life by Kreznomaar:

...you get angry because you can't make your alarm clock play Gradus Vita.
...you acknowledge that Alucard lives in your closet.
...and you're perfectly fine with this.
...you do a double take when you see anyone walking by in a grey, red, or green trenchcoat.
...you have vivid (and strange!) Hellsing-related dreams.
...and get mad when you wake up from them.
...you let your hair grow really long and learn how to braid it.
...you start learning to sew for the sole purpose of owning every single character's outfit at some point.
...you no longer feel bad about eventually needing to get glasses.

Do you or someone you know have symptoms of liking Hellsing too much that you don't see here? Send them to me and I'll add them to the list!

And Shine Hell(sing) Now

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