Attack of the Fangirls' Profiles

2005: Fangirls Are Hell

The third fangirl storyline saw the diversion of the portal's route, so that it opened not in Integra's office, but in the middle of the circle of Hell dedicated to her enemies.

An additional portal cross dragged the ghostly Helena into the mix, and a shoulder devil was glomped by a group of fans who didn't care that she wasn't technically Integra, because she was just as hot.

Applications this year were only open for one day, which helped keep numbers down. The fangirls were banished not by overloading them, but by shocking them so much that they froze in place for long enough to be dumped back into the portal.

Leif and Jessica

The young pair of FREAK-chipped vampires who go on a killing spree until Alucard takes them out. Both were present, but only Leif scored a fan:

Name: Sletia
Pairings shipped: None (not even LeifxJessica)
Personality: Shy; intelligent; doesn't speak up much, but when she does, watch out. Very blunt and opinionated; corrects everyone's grammar. Doesn't like Jessica because she ran like a scared rabbit. Likes Leif because he's the evil, completely reverse version of herself: druggie, slutty, violent, etcetera.
Rant: OMG I'M LATE! LEIF HONEY! *GLOMP* OMG YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE FANS BUT THAT'S OKAY, YOU HAVE ME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I FIRST SAW YOU ON A HELLSING MUSIC VIDEO AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO COOL AND EVIL AND AWESOME AND I HAD TO SEE HELLSING! I WAS SO SAD YOU WEREN'T A MAIN CHARACTER, I THOUGHT YOU WERE! YOU'RE SO SEXY AND SCARY AND YOUR FANGS ARE HOT AND I LOVE YOUR HAIR AND YOUR EYES AND YOUR HAT, CAN I PULL YOUR HAT OVER YOUR EYES!? SQUEE! OH AND YOU SHOULD DUMP JESSICA, I WOULDN'T LEAVE YOU IF WE WERE IN DANGER, I'M DEVOTED AND I'LL STAY BY YOUR SIDE! OH AND YOU ALSO WIN BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE SAME JAPANESE VOICE ACTOR AS THE AWESOME VILLIAN VALGARV FROM SLAYERS TRY! W00T!
Miscellany: LiveJournal

Sett

Ancient Egyptian god of chaos, summoned by Incognito, but still no match for power-released Alucard. His fan:

Name: Catherine
Rant: Set is amazing - first of all, he's a God, which makes him way, way more powerful than any little vampire. He's a God who killed another God, even, so you know he could take on just about anyone and win, because it's not like Alucard is going to be any more powerful than Osiris. What can you say about someone whose titles include "He Before Whom The Sky Shakes" and "Lord of the Desert," really? Set was the protector of Lower Egypt for a really long time, which means he's not one of those gods who hang out in the Never-Never and ignore humanity. Sure, he made a lot of mistakes, but he's never been completely evil and there's always been *reasons* for the things that he did, and you could actually blame a lot of his bad press on Horus, who always had it in for him. This is a God who actually pays attention to what his followers want, and tries to give it to them. He's a sky-Netjer who specifically controls storms, so he's got lightning and thunder any time he wants it. The guy is was the very symbol of strength to the Egyptians - Set was who you went to for destruction, if you needed it, and he's the personification of darkness. Way niftier than a creature that creeps around slurping blood and phasing through walls and hates sunlight.
Miscellany: Website

Incognito

The much-despised vampire created for the sake of giving the anime a final battle, in lieu of waiting for more manga material to work with. Incredibly enough, he has fans:

Name: Matthew
Pairings shipped: AxW; would probably be lynched if he said SxIncognito
Personality: Shy; sarcastic; curious, self-conscious
Rant: Well first off given the fact I believe Incognito was a last minute addition he made good use of his time. It left a lot of plot holes like who his master was (signs that I don't think they meant to stop at 13), his origins, and how he got control of the chips in the first place.

He also had cool background music, especially when summoning Seto (tribal drums) and creating the zombie army that would attack the Tower. while he wasn't able to defeat Alucard he did manage to cause a LOT of damage and hey even Andersong got a smile out of the fight. That has to count for something.

Name: EVA-01X
Pairings shipped: Not really into that kinda thing
Personality: Intellectua, though most of it's in his head. Will use giant long words to replace simple ones. Sometimes comes off as a snob; pretty sarcastic.
Rant: What can I say about Incognito? First off, he's the only to take Alucard to withen an Inch of his life... er... death.... undeath? Thats always a winner in my book, plus, he's not afraid to wear an embarassing color or go around in the nude! Common, how badass is that!? Not to mention his love of Heavy firepower, that little gattling gun thingiemajig he's got definatly impresses me.... although I do belive he may be compinsating for something... But he's still as badass as can be!! Common', Evil vampires are great, but ones that can summon evil gods of destruction are even better!

The baobhan sith

A type of vampire out of Scottish legend, known for dressing in green and hypnotizing young men. This one has...slightly different tastes. (A later temporal retcon brought her back to life.) Her fans:

Name: Tasha
Pairings shipped: Baobhan sithxRip, KimxLeif
Personality: Insane. Really tries not to be.
Rant: Wow! Baobhan Sith is soo cool. Integra should have let her bite her, I would have. She looks really cool when she's licking up Integra's blood. She didn't even get a hair out of place while doing it! She's so special because she's insane and so am I! We're so alike! Not really..... but I'd love to be like her! She might be a freak but she'd still soo aswesome! X.X Sanity failing, must stop before happiness overload!

Name: Kiyuu
Personality: Can't be allowed near Pixie Stix any more . . . gets hyper VERY easily; is very clingy.
Rant: OHMYGOD BUBSY-CHAAAAAANNN!!!! you are SO COOL and SEXY too! I can't belive you were killed so easily!! you are REALLY cool and my god did i mention you're SEXY??? You could probably beat the stuffing out of any of the other vampire lackeys like Jan and Luke!! you're also WAY better looking then all of them, ESPECIALLY Incognito!

Name: Cori
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, IxBaobhan sith (against Integra's choice or not), AxS, YumikoxH, YumiexAlex
Rant: I have a great deal of respect and love for Sithy! She's the only one whose recorded so far as to getting the closest to Integra, she almost got Seras called, although I love Seras to death. She came in quickly and quietly, made everyone think she was Integra's sister and waited for a little bit of chaos with Incognito to ensue so she could get the chance to get at Integra. Her teasing is... SSSSSOOOO HOT! It's scary to think how much she pulled, even though it didn't seem like Integra wasn't enjoying it (Or, atleast, not enjoying it too much <_<), but I digress, it's a great scene, and to me Sith is a great character. She's got allure, but she was intelligent enough for a character who could only last one episode to at least wait for Alucard to leave so she could have a bit of fun. Of course, when Integra upset her, she had to run a sword through the glorious leader's stomach, and that did suck, cause I wanted to see her bite and turn Integra! Sure, I wouldn't! mind if Alucard did it either but that would have been so great! She even inspired dreams in Integra's head, which was symbolic on a few levels, and finally gave Integra the clue as to realizing that she was an only child. Order 09: Red Rose Vertigo is my favorite episodes in the Hellsing Anime Series, with Order 07: Duel.
Miscellany: DeviantArt

Luke Valentine

The cooler-headed counterpart to his brother Jan. Sharp and intellectual, but arrogant; overestimates his abilities and dies messily as a result. His fans:

Name: Sean
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, LukexKim
Personality: Kind of reserved; becomes crazy and highly talkative when Hellsing is brought up. Enjoys watching Hellsing episodes over to see if he missed anything the first time through.
Rant: Take a look at Luke. He looks like Alucard with blonde hair and it makes him look soooo handsome! Look at how even Alucard praised him in Order 6. He's sooo cool and relaxed about everything untill Alucard went all crazy on him and killed him ;-;. I think that Luke would definatly come out and kick everyone's behind if only he was a real vampire. It would be so cool if they had had him join Hellsing as a permanat caharcter or even as a secondary one because he is just sooo handsome and cool. I wish I could be like him because he always has a good plan and he seems to be one of if not the smartest artificial vampire that attacked Hellsing in the entire series. Finally, his confidence can only be rivaled by people that are true vampires or that are going to be blinded by it later on.

Name: Alison
Pairings shipped: LukexOC
Personality: Shy; tries to be pleasant and caring about others. Considerate and willing to listen to all sides of any conversation.
Rant: I don't consider my obsession as a rant, but I do like Luke. It was Jan I started liking, but then transgressed to Luke. I guess there's something about Luke (his intelligence, personality, his hair) that I can't help but notice :).
Miscellany: DeviantArt

Name: Chao
Pairings shipped: LxAxI
Personality: Cat-girl all around. Crazy and energetic, but can be calm and intelligent at times. Hates Jan due to his cursing, but could be a bit dirty herself when it comes to Luke.
Rant: OMG LUKE! He's so fluffy and intelligent. I would gice my blood to just pamper his hair and put different colored ribbons in his hair all day. Even if he did make Alucard sad cause he's weak, he still hot and sexy, equally matched with Alucard in sexyness. EEEE! And and he be so suave with his speech and intelligent unlike he's brainless glutton of a brother, Jan. HAHA! He's so speedy too and he's just so proper, and what girl can turn down a gentleman like him? (Beyond this point, that's all the clean stuff I can say ^^; )
Miscellany: DeviantArt

Name: Setine
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: Blunt; sarcastic
Rant: He's better than most villains, I must say.

Name: Katie
Pairings shipped: LxJ
Personality: Wacky; will do whatever she's told (screaming in a public building, etc.)
Rant: Here it goes. Luke is so tall and luke is so pretty and luke is awesome and awesome and luke could kill alucard if he could do that BIg EvIl SCaRy thing alucard does but thats okay that he can't cus then he'd be all creepy like and luke has long blonde hair like mine and he puts it in a nice little pony tail and thats coolies cool and luke is a total bishounen and luke ROCKS!!!
Miscellany: Website

Name: Lake
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: A bit of an enigma. Taken for mysterious and difficult to decipher; is less complicated than people think. Eccentric; compassionate; deep-thinking; never hesitates to give opinion.
Rant: Luke is simply the perfect example of a undogging mind set. He is sharp, confident, and tactful. Keen and quick on his feet, he can out do hardly any other with his deft wit. Not to mention his vogue fashion and looks. His hair is to die for, as is his wardrobe. His pale, dead expressions cause him to be an enigma within himself. His voice dazzles with unearthly delight. He could talk you to death! And his cold demeanor in not to be forgotten. Standing strong and unsheveled in any circumstance, he is the last man to take a fall.
Miscellany: Hates Kim

Jan Valentine

The younger Valentine Brother, one of the vampire siblings to attack the Hellsing mansion and kickstart the main plot. Infamous for his extensive piercings and extremely foul mouth. His fans:

Name: Hannah
Pairings shipped: Who cares as long as there's Jan??!
Personality: Very laid back until something sets off the squeal-o-meter. Diabetic; acts like a happy monkey on crack when blood sugar is low, then eats everything in sight and falls asleep. Likes piercings on other people . . . a lot.
Rant: holy *bleeping bleep* Jan is the best *bleeping* character known to *bleeping* man!!! he's so *bleeping* nifty and shmexy and he has those PIERCINGS and hes got that *bleeping* fabulously amazing BEANIE!!! omg!! How could anyone not LOVE JAN???? JAN is the *BLEEPING BLEEP*!! I love the way he SWEARS ALL THE *BLEEPING* TIME!! and hes so shmexy with his gorgeous little dialated eyes that make him look so cool and he has that awsome eye on his hat!!!! And his name is just so *bleeping* cool cause its Jan VALENTINE! and hes soooo nifty I can't talk about all the spiffy *bleeping* niftynesss!!!! And I LOVE THAT HE *BLEEPING* SWEARS ALL THE *BLEEPING* TIME!!!!!!!! *BLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP**

Name: St. Jimmy
Personality: Making Hellsing-character costumes for all of her friends. Obsessive; once kissed a guy dressed as Jan at Sakuracon. Often called weird; bi; does things like riding around school in a chopping cart.
Rant: I love Jan!!! He's so awesomly cool with his lovely piercings and the cap tops it off. I mean come on who doesn't love a psyched guy that loves to blow things up and has a brother who was eaten...by a doggy. And seriously if Walter wasn't soooooo cool in whiping his a$$ I would have wanted to see him live a bit longer, but you know Walter...he's cool and old. But don't worry I still really like Jan! =smoochies on cheek= I'm such a cute little devil but compared to Jan I'm a tick on the side of a road. And that's why no matter what Jan is the best! Ra ra Jan!!!

Name: Sophia
Pairings shipped: PxS, LeifxJessica
Personality: Hyper much of the time; won't shut up. Wants to have a party whenever something good happens.
Rant: OMFG! IT'S JAN! I LOVE YOU! You are like so **** cool. Lets have a crazy go nuts party now! W00t. You are so coo! I love your that hat. The hat is one of the coolest hats ever! It would take a lot to make a cooler hat then that. I want to take it from you because it is so cool. The piercings are also very cool too. I mean I can't even count how many you have so it must be a lot! I want that many piercings one day I can run around and be all Jan-like then I it will be so cool. You should get another army of ghouls together and try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! That would be even cooler! XD Too bad you had to go up in flames though. :,( That was so sad.... I wanted to cry....... I love you~
Miscellany: Website

Name: Piyo-chan
Pairings shipped: AxJan, AxLuke, AxI, LxJ, EnricoxLuke, ExJ, ExA, JxSelf, LukexSelf, AlucardxSelf
Personality: Really, REALLY obsessed with Hellsing. Swears and can be really violent if hears someone mocking pairings she supports and/or characters she is obsessed with. Loves duel-scenes and chaos in Hellsing; dreams about becoming a vampire herself. Won't shut up about things she loves if anyone mentions them. Goes hyper when sees anything related to her obsessions. Has the weirdest sense of humor and imagination for example, if there's some scene where a character stands near a cliff and says/does something very important for the storyline of the movie, can start giggling about how funny it would be if the character would trip and fall over the cliff in the middle of her/his speech). Can be chynical sometimes.
Rant: I love Valentine brothers they are so cute and adorable and tough! It's so unfair that Jan gets bleeped, they are just words! Luke is so cute and blonde and it was so sad when hellhound devoured him and it was unfair because Luke didn't know Alucard was invincible! He should atleast get a rematch now that he knows who he's opponent is! Jan is so cute with all his piercings and he wears a cool hat and he's so cute when he goes all insane and shoots everything in his way like whoa! Valentine Brothers Rule! Walter was so mean when he cut Jan's arm! And Ceras was so mean too, you can't attack from the back! Valentine Brothers Rock!!
Miscellany: Hates dubs over everything, even telemarketers. LiveJournal

Name: Lecky (Alexis)
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxP, yWxA
Personality: Can be either caring and calm or hyper and loud. Loves scaring people around her with sick jokes and hyperness. Cares a lot about friends; can get too attached to certain people or anime characters (i.e. Jan). Out of the serious characters, Alucard is her favorite.
Rant: Jan is HOT, I don't care if anyone agrees with me or not, and just look at the piercings! You gotta love the bad boys, and Jan is the best as they come! He's by far the coolest Valentine brother, heck, the coolest character ever! How could you not love his laid back attitude? I'd LOVE to be one of those strippers there that worked with them for Jan! And he's strong too! He went out in flames! How cool is that!? I love Jan, ****ing, Valentine!!
Miscellany: DeviantArt; GreatestJournal

Name: Erika
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, IxJ for the sake of oddness
Personality: Finds oddest things hilarious. Has vicious friends; is vicious herself. Swears almost as much as Jan. Can be hyper, but is usually half-asleep due to insomnia.
Rant: Jan is so most definitely the coolest BEEPing person in all of Hellsing and he's so BEEPing awesome because he BEEPing swears so BEEPing much, and he's a hot little BEEP and he has the BEEPing coolest yellow eyes and it's so BEEPing more original than all of those BEEPing red BEEPed-eyed BEEPers. And his BEEPing hat is so most definitely the most BEEPing coolest thing ever because it's got a BEEPing eye on it, I mean how many BEEPing people have BEEPing eyes on their hats? Come on! That's so BEEPing awesome! And he has officially the coolest BEEPing watch because it can BEEPing tell when those BEEPed up BEEPs- the Ghouls- are going to wake up! And then they do, and they kinda suck at everything, but that's OK because it's got something to do with Jan, which immediately makes it cool! And that watch, it even goes BEEPing negative! Does YOUR watch go negative? I didn't BEEPing think so! And his ha! ir is awesome because it is teh black, and teh black is not a colour and non-colours are boring (just like me!) but it's still awesome because it's... Jan's! And that makes everything better! And the FIRE! The Fire is so BEEPing cool, and think about it, he's BEEPing crazy and BEEPing awesome in every BEEPing possible manner! Because I mean he's about to die and what does he do? He BEEPing laughs! And it's a cool laugh, too, completely cool and INSANE which is a very good thing, because insane people are just awesome. And the piercings, too! Awesome style. They're everywhere! In fact, they're probably even in some places I'd rather NOT know that they are, but who gives a BEEP? They'd look better if they were silver instead of gold but silver burns and that's not fair because poor Janni can't use silver. v_v But that's OK because he's a vampire and he drinks blood in a Coca-Cola bottle! So much BEEPing better than BEEPing coke- that stuff is BEEPing disgusting, but blood is ! good! (Damn right I like blood!) And the awesomeness never ends, and he can summon fire all by himself even if it burns him to peices! And better yet, he's a FREAK! I mean, that's the beeping species' name, Freak, and it's also true about his personality! I mean, he BEEPing smokes Integra's stupid little cigars and then shows that he thinks it's stupid of her to waste money on them when half of the BEEPing world is starving to death, and then he goes and BEEPing kills people 'cos he doesn't REALLY BEEPing give a BEEPing BEEP! EEEEEEE! <3

Name: Shannon
Pairings shipped: JxSelf, JxA, AxI, AxA, IxE, PxS
Personality: Pretty quiet, unless ranting about her favorite characters; then wants the world to hear her. Pretty bouncy when ranting; can't stop moving. Tends to get in people's faces when ranting.
Rant: Oh my God Jan is so cool i love his hat I want it sooo bad but it would cost a lot and he's so cool with the black hair and the fangs I love those fangs SQUEE!!! I love Jan! Jan is so awesome and powerful it wasn't fair that he was killed but I guess I can forgive! Nyahahahahahaha!
Miscellany: RPs at this form as Forge

Name: Heather
Pairings shipped: None (except AxI and PxS, which are given)
Personality: Shy in person; massively crazy and /\/\@573R 0F 73|-| |337 5P3@|Rant: I don't care what anyone says! Jan is absolutely perfect just the way he is even with the cussing and the sheer stupidity at times. Sure he knows more four letter words than most comedians and rock stars but there's nobody else like him in the whole of Hellsing! And look at all those piercings! They're so artful and beautiful! You've got to be crazy or have a high pain tolerance for all those and I'm sure it's just the crazy which makes it all better and awesomer. AND YAY! HAT! I love that hat. I want that hat! GIMME! Mmmmm.... Hat.
Miscellany: DeviantArt

Name: Blade
Pairings shipped: Not too into pairings
Personality: Moody. Goes from "meh" and board to glomping everything in sight, then snappish, then back. Gets into obsessed fangirl mode when being hyper and random.
Rant: Jan is so ****ing awesome! Ok, so he may have a cussing problem.... but that's part of what's so damn cool about him! I love how excited and into what he's doing he gets, and how he cusses and yells and ****. And as for how he looks... there's something creepy, but in an awesome way, about how wide his eyes are and tiny the pupils/irises, and just how he's always got this grinning, wide-eyed expression on his face. And the piercings! Way cool! he's just so ****ing awesome-looking!
Miscellany: Has a bit of a cussing problem. Website

Name: Nyte
Pairings shipped: JxSelf, AxI, SxP
Personality: Random and quite possibly insane. Not usually hyper, except after much popcorn and soda. Fairly friendly; talkative; easy to get along with if you can tolerate constant random comments. Loves Jan; loves Jan's hat; also loves squirrels.
Rant: Jan is the greatest thing since churros, and that's saying a lot. Jan has an awesome hat and very good fashion sense, track suits are never not cool unless they're really ugly with polka dots but thankfully Jan has enough sense not to pick one like that. And yellow eyes. Yellow. There is only one thing cooler then yellow eyes, and that is Jan himself, making him even cooler than before, if that is possible. And you know, he's just plain sexy with the piercings and all. This does not seem to be a widely shared opinion, but that's okay, more Jan for me. He's also not afraid to speak his mind, which is also very sexy, even if speaking his mind means using several curses.
Miscellany: AIM: NyteDarkness

Helena

Centuries-old vampire in a child's body, wise beyond her apparent years. Dispenses some useful advice to a confused Seras. After death, wanders the sky as a ghost forever, or at least for a while. Her fans:

Name: Nighteyes
Pairings shipped: A little IxS; finds WxS funny; doesn't understand AxA; will read anything that's good, tho
Personality: Happy once she's got what she wants. Completely psychotic; will do random character pairings just for a laugh. Fanatically Hellsing-obsessed enough that she's planning to find a village called Cheddar and poke around in the church.
Rant: OMFG!!! HELENA!!! OMG, Helena is the coolest vampire ever and she’s so calm and she’s a balancing point for everybody who meets her and she’s so pretty in her little old-English dress and she always reads which makes her smarter than anybody else in the whole wide world of Hellsing and she’s so selfless and she’s so wise because she can tell what anybody is feeling at any time and she has spiffilicious telekinetic abilities and she can open and shut her door with sheer brain-power and she was clever enough to escape from Incognito but she stayed to warn Seras because she’s so nice and self-sacrificing and she has hair that’s the same colour as Integral’s but it’s prettier because it’s all soft and fluffy and makes you want to cuddle her and she has the coolest eyes because nobody’s sure what colour they are because sometimes they look brown and sometimes they look purple and sometimes they look red and they always show how much she knows and she looks so delicate but really she’s strong and she’s so subtle because nobody knows if she hunts or not and even if she does I’d let her drink my blood to keep her coolness in the world! OMG Helena, tell me what book to read!!!!!
Secondary rant (at arrival of Integra): (Must be done craning forward with shining eyes, possibly drooling)* OMF-ing-G... Is that Integral? Look, Helena, her hair’s like yours! She’s so pretty!! Wh00t! Moonbeam blonde makes all characters pretty! You’re proof, and so is she, and even Luke looks pretty despite his fugly face! OMG, she looks so cool in her suit! Don’t formal clothes just ROCK! Yeah! FORMAL!!! OMG I’m gonna dress just like her for my next birthday and I’m gonna have a black forest cake with chocolate icing and on the top it will say ‘HELLSING We will never give up and despair, we are on a mission from GOD’ and I’ll get a butler to cut it with dental floss while I put yellow roses in a paper-shredder!!! And the whole gang will be there, even Iscariot cosplayers and Nazi cosplayers!
Miscellany: Website; Fanfiction.net

Name: Tatiana
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: Quiet; indifferent; but quickly excited by things that she likes.
Rant: Wow! Helena is so cool, I love her look and the way she talks!! And she has all this cool collection of books!!! BOOKS!!! She appears so cold and uncaring not to forget she is a vampire. What more could someone want! Did I mention she even managed to stay cool till her end (she should not have died, MUST KILL INCOGNITO!!) I would so love to take revenge for her *muahahahaha* kill kill
Miscellany: DeviantArt

Name: Marius
Pairings shipped: AxIxS; any combination thereof
Personality: Emotionally detached; severely inclined to expose friends and associates to both puns and frightning mental imagery.
Rant: Well, Helena's obviously well-read, and has had time to spare, so being turned into a vampire as a child was awful short-sighted of her sire. I mean, why the heck couldn't he have kept close tabs on her for a few more years until she was through puberty, at least? Then she could move about more freely, rather than hide away oh sod it, only virgins can become vampires anyway, according to the manga, so there's no real point, except DAMN! *Sigh* Oh, well...

Name: Icey
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxP
Personality: Never quite all the way awake unless in the presence of attractive people, alcohol, or both. Sarcastic to extremes. Tends to persistently flatter until either a blush or a slap in the face reaction is achieved. Quotes books and plays often; considers it an achievement to do so.
Rant: Helena is just such a deep character, I mean there is clearly so much more to her than we see everything she says could be examined to such great lengths because there could be so many deeper meanings to it all. She is so helpful to, I think that if it weren't for her words there is a good chance Seras would have broken down and not been able to cope as well as she did, don't get me wrong not trying to put Seras down at all but its just clear that what Helena said helped her so much in understanding her new life (or unlife). The way she stays permanently in a child's body is such a good metaphor to, fragility of a child and all that, the old adage the wisdom of a child is so strong here. Helena reads looooads to, I wish I would have time to read that much in my life, and I wish I could be that wise to.

Name: Mitchell
Pairings shipped: HelenaxSchrö, LeifxJessicaxKim
Personality: Nerdy; likes to read, play on computer. Nice guy; doesn't like hurting people. Cries when characters die. Obsessed with "cuddling."
Rant: Helena! I'll love you and squeeze you and love you until you die, except you're already dead so that's okay then! Actually, you're double-dead 'cause of that, but that's okay, 'cause it worked for Jack kellington. We're perfect together! I'm smart, you're smart. You like books, I like books...We can do everything together. I can show you the internet, and Halo, and...That seems vaguely pedophilic...I know! I'll be a father figure! That's okay, right? I'll take you to school, and tuck you in at night...That's not wrong...I think...
Extra Rant upon seeing Incognito: I will protect Helena-San! HAI! :Hair turns golden, and eyes turn pure-blue: Super-Fanboy Level 1! Kame-KEN! :Energy Turtle hits Incognito: My mission is accomplished! :Goes back to hugging Helena:
Miscellany: Devoted Christian, sorta bi, uses C. S. Lewis as a theology guide. Message board

Name: Christina
Pairings shipped: LukexBaobhan sith
Personality: Completely and utterly bonkers.
Rant: Helenaissocoolandsocalmandshereadsthecoolest bookseverandshe'ssoyoungandsocuteandsweetand Ijustloverherpersonalityandthewayshejustallowed Incognitoandwassoocalmaboutitandshehelped Serasandtheotherguyandit'ssobadthatsheand IntegralnevermetandIjustloveHelenaand.... and......EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miscellany: Website; Other website

Name: Jessie
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: Intelligent; quirky; loves to edit things ad nauseum.
Rant: Helena is so great! Helena is sooo smart and wonderful and pretty...she's so sweet and mysterious and she loves books - just like me! - and I'm so jealous of her hair...
Miscellany: Message board

Name: Angel
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS; considers anything else hilarious but highly unlikely.
Personality: Extrememly obsessive; can range from psychotically bouncy to quietly homicidal. Prefers books to people, and people to working. Pagan and proud. Extremely attached to boyfriend; finds all things Hellsing-related interesting. Likes some anime and manga; LOVES fantasy/sci-fi. English major with a talent for nitpicking.
Rant: Oh where do I start? Helena is so cool! She is the ONLY one in Hellsing who likes to read as much as I do, and if I was a vampire I'd want to spend all my time with her so we could talk about all the books we'd read and we could figure out what else we'd like to read. I love her little library with the opera and the candles. That skylight is an inspired idea cause if she's as powerful as she seems to be I'm willing to bet she can stand sunlight just like Alucard. Eeee! And she's the only one who looks like a kid, which means she doesn't have the boob-obsessed running after her, like Seras, and that's totally spify. She's so awesome, I bet there's not a crossword puzzle in the world she can't handle, and I'd love to play a game of Trivial Pursuit with her. No one is cooler than Helena, cause she's the one who creeps out Incognito and she's nice to Seras, like no one else is, and she's probably old enough to know a lot of vampires. She can't be bad because Hellsing leaves her alone and lets her live, and even mortals respect her, when a lot of them just laugh at vampires. Yay! Helena! The only really visibly smart one! How can you not love a good bookworm?
Miscellany: Website

Name: Kristin
Pairings shipped: IxW, AxS; dislikes Pip
Personality: Nervous about doing fangirl thing.
Rant: I love Helena! She's so neat! She's so calm and collected! She's just to cute for words too! ^_^ I have a hard time speaking to people I really admire . . . besides,if I went into full rant I think you'd block me...*blushes*
Miscellany: Overly obsessed Alex fan.

Name: Keito-chan
Pairings shipped: AxI, ExAlex, WxExtra Chick from Order 07
Personality: Mainly reads and plays online; will squeeze in three minutes of reading in the lunch line; always has at least two books on hand, with up to six in her mini backpack. Ignores strangers who interrupt her reading; can get evil about it; would attack if her book were taken away. Can be selfish; doesn't like to be proven wrong. Hates it when religion is pushed on people. Will throw books if angry enough.
Rant: OMG It's Helena. Helena is so cool. Helena is the best. She has a library for a home and I want one just like it. The candles disappear and relocate themselves, I know because I watched some parts of Helena's scenes frame by frame on my computer. OMG Her hair is so pretty and she's so proper. She gets crabby like me sometimes too! I love it. People should just leave her alone so she can read. Like that stupid cop that hit on Seras before he blew up in a firey ball of revenge. SMOTE BY THE LITERATURE GODS! Helena would be even more cool if she kicked Incognito's *** this time around... Seriously, What was up with not kicking his ***? Could have set him on fire or munched on his insides instead of pushing out. WTF Helena? Kick some ***. Come on. I know you can do it. Kick his ***...

Further Rants: If Helena is reading: *Doesn't say anything, but reads her own book while Helena reads hers.*

If someone is harassing Helena/interupting her reading: *Closes the book she was reading and glares at the offender* GO AWAY AND LEAVE HELENA ALONE OR I SWEAR UPON MY BOOKS I WILL GIVE UP CLINGING TO HELENA TO DISEMBOWEL YOU! I WILL! I'M THAT DEDICATED! IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME LOOK AT MY ROOM! THE WALLS ARE TURNING INTO BOOK SHELVES! SO COME ON! TRY ME! KEEP BOTHERING HER!

If Helena is going to attack someone: *Opens mini backpack purse and takes a book in each hand, ready to attack with her.* *Goes back to reading.*
Miscellany: Partly psychic. GreatestJournal.

Integra (Shoulder Devil Version)

The amazingly awesome leader of the Hellsing Organization and title character of the series. Also a major babe, which is why these fans are just as happy to latch on to her scantily clad shoulder devil:

Name: Jang Severem
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: Fun to be around; odd at times; enjoys comedy and drama; lazy in some ways; not cocky at all; loves cats over dogs.
Rant: .....Integra is so damned hot.Integra is so cool. Integra is so awesome. Integra is the big cahona. Integra is a female.....oh yeah....yeah. Integra is protestant but still cool. Integra has glasses. Integra has all power.
Miscellany: Catholic.

Name: Eli
Pairings shipped: HeinkelxYumie, yWxA, IxS, mild AxI and PxS, oddly intrigued by PxA, thinks Enrico's gay but doesn't slash him with anyone.
Personality: Pretty happy most of the time, except when mad. Very loyal; very fond of her friends; utterly obsessed manga and slash fangirl.
Rant: Integra’s so cool and Integra’s so hot and Integra’s crisp suits turn me on and Integra’s hair looks so smooth and pettable and Integra’s so nifty and British and Integra’s so collected, I wish I could be as calm as Integra all the time, and Integra pulls her sword on Father Anderson – squee girls with big swords squee! – and Integra shoots things and Integra’s so sure of her faith and she has really big boobs, did I mention her really big boobs? And Integra’s so sexy and Integra exudes self-confidence and Integra bosses Alucard around and Integra runs the show and Integra smokes those huge cigars and Integra wears Ascot ties and Integra has a trenchcoat, SQUEE I wish I had her trenchcoat, and I bet it’s a London Fog trenchcoat because Integra’s so patriotic and squee!
Miscellany: "Lesbians are God’s most favorite people, for we have Integra to drool over!" Thinks Erin should be canonized.

Name: Benji
Pairings shipped: AxI, IxE, PxS, other yaoi ones
Personality: Bubbly; smart; lack of attention span; shy.
Rant: well, i don't even need to write this part here, my friends could do it for me, although, they think its creepy how much i adore Integra (and im not talking about random adore, I'm talking about a set-anniversary-of-the-date-i-fell-in-love-with-her-adore [June 22nd w00t!]. Integra is THE perfect woman, she's independant which sets a great example for other women. She's fearless and uber-smart. Usually, if I get my Hellsing fix before i leave for school, every other word out of my mouth has SOMETHING to do with Integra...which surprises me on why my friends haven't told me to shut up yet...
Do I need to send in letters of recommendation from my friends? they know how much i love her. I'm up to the point of my obsession where my mother keeps asking me if I "swing" that way (so to speak...). I hope this is good enough...it's more difficult than i thought to put my obsession into words

Name: zen
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI, HeinkelxYumiko
Personality: General anime otaku; likes to extend horizons; intelligent but eccentric. Four-year CTY student; still sees those summers as the best time of her life. Usually quiet except with closest friends or when ranting; definitely a loner. Lusts after strong-willed and hot anime girls.
Rant: OMG Integra is so hot and i wish she was MY master and i would do whatever she wanted and she's so awesome with the shooting and the sword and her eyes are so beautiful and i want to touch her hair it's so pretty and i want to call her Master and mine mine mine!
Miscellany: Doesn't capitalize name or personal pronouns. AIM: ShadowAuthor000

Name: Sarah
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: Kind, caring, happy. Loves video games; loves girlfriend/fiancée more.
Rant: *Inhale* OMG Integra's soooooooooooo hot! I mean she's obviously one of the hottest, if not THE hottest character in Hellsing. I'd watch unoffical cartons or real unoffical mangas with her any day! I can see why the doujinshi-ka likes her so much! SQUEE!

Name: Carolina Alix ("Alix")
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxP, WxA
Personality: Born in Poland; English is second language. Totally in love with Integra and Seras. Big Shine fan.
Rant: I am totally obsessed.. I mean, 100000%. Hmmm. Normally I'd say something like 'hellsing is all my life and I became BI because of Integra" but it's too banal, isn't it..? so.. I'll just say: If I had time I'd spend all my life searching vampires, and Hellsing sources...

Name: Otaku of Stuff (Cat)
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, yWxA, PxDark Walter, LeifxJessica
Personality: Usually silent with sporadic bursts of hyperactivity. Can talk for minutes on end without breathing. Known to be posessive; usually nice, but can get violent when annoyed. When nervous or mad, gets twitchy.
Rant: Integra is so god**** sexy inside and out. She has that fiery characteristics that make me weak in the knees and I can’t help but watch and read Hellsing over. And over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Um and I mean just look at her, she is just plain Hott. No wait she is more than that she is the HOTTEST Lady in anime and manga. Of course, my friends think I and insane for saying that but I don’t care. My schoolmates think I am insane but that doesn’t matter either. INTEGRA IS THE SEXIEST WOMEN IN MY LITTLE WORLD. I love Integra. If I had the chance I would grab onto her and never let her go. But only one thing could make it better, Alucard and Integra together would make one fnucking awesome couple. If they could have kids, those kids would be worth chasing. Nevertheless, oh my Goth, can you imagine how hot Alucard and Integra would look like when they shag each other? I can rant more but I lost my train of thought.
Miscellany: DeviantArt

Name: red (laura)
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: ADHD. Friendly, but not to be messed with; can be kinda evil.
Rant: OH MY GOD!! integra is the coolest of all the hellsings cause she is the stongest woman alive!! even with glasses she has a hard edge that makes her soft but strong all at the same time...she has the mind of a leader and the body of a godess... ice blue eyes that cut through a persons soul that freeze sound... the sage green suit lends dignity and grace to her apperance and aura... AND GOD IS SHE HOT!!! and i'd even go gay for here... cuase she is that hot.. and amazing.. id like to drowned in her blue eyes... sigh...

Name: Craig
Pairings shipped: No place for romance in Hellsing, except IxSelf
Personality: Fun; mostly drunk; English. Looks to enjoy stuff and not take life too bloody seriously.
Rant: Well, I'm not much of a ranter, but Integra is so cool and calm and collected, and is SO BLOODY HOT! and she doesn't shoe how upset she gets but sometimes she does ahd then you know it's time to take cover, because she gets angry and mean, and OH she is so cute when she's angry, I like her because she is a strong and independent woman who won't take **** from any one and she's really powerful and oh so beautiful.... whew.

Name: Zombie
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: Bipolar. Freaky. Compulsively obsessive; obsessively compulsive.
Rant: OH MY ****ING HELL! KYAA!!! Integra is the best!! She's so sexy! She has the most georgous eyes, and the best legs, and the most lovely voice, and such silky looking hair! She drives me insane! KYAA!!!!!!! I love her! I'd marry Integra if she'd say yes! She's so strong and commanding! No one gets away with disrespecting her! She's too awesome!! She's like a goddess!!! I bow down to her! She IS my goddess! All hail Integra and her sexiness!

Name: Jessica Goh
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI
Rant: Integra is so cool! So hot! I just drop at the sight of her! I love everything about her! Her hair, her suit, her figure, her eyes, her face, her voice, her shoes, her gloves and EVERYTHING that has got to do with her! I just want to meet her and tell her how much I adore her, how much I admire her, how much I worship her! I JUST LOVE HER AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!!
Miscellany: Fanfiction.net

Name: Lance Corporal Jason C. Myers, USMC
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxI
Personality: Enlisted in the Marine Corps two years ago. Nicest guy in the world if you're on his good side; otherwise, sucks to be you.
Rant: Integra is the hottest thing to come to anime since catgirls! She don’t take **** from nobody, she leads from the front, and she ain’t afraid to get a little dirty, ain’t nothin sexier about a woman then that! She’s strong willed, motivated, and dedicated! Plus she’s got a great body and well...it just don’t get better then that. I could just hug her and squeeze her all day! I bet she’d keep up with me in a PT run too!!!
Miscellany: Blogspot.com

Name: Xuanwu
Pairings shipped: IxRip, SchröxSeras, SchröxRip, AxI, SchröxGirlycard, Baobhan sithxIntegra (i.e. thinks that scene should've played out a lot more), IxS
Personality: Mad scientist. Likes going "MUAH HA HA HA!" in evil voice when teaching his students (English teacher in Taiwan). Large obsession with girls and glasses; believes there is no pretty female in existence whose beauty cannot be improved with the addition of glasses, and has yet to be proved wrong. Prefers large round wireframe style.
Rant: *Dickens mode activate!*

Integra's bespectacled countenance commands the throbbing beats of my heart. Were she my master, I would gladly let her play with my levels of Control Art Restrictions. All for the chance to behold her _mocha tinted skin, supple flesh restrained by binding cloth that threatens to burst from the form it contains. Servitude would be a welcome exchange for the opportunity to admire her soft, golden locks that frame a noble visage and to gaze into the azure orbs that with but a glance could wither the most base of rogues.

In motion, her body moves with confidence and grace of a goddess of the old world. Her will is a more resilient stuff than the swords of the ancient samurai. Her voice echoes through the heavens so that even God and Gabriel must pay heed to her clarion calls for justice. Her orders I would obey with all my heart, as every supplication would bring me closer to her essence. Such a course I would maintain until I might realize my fantasy of gazing upon her dozing form, her mind at peace, and the worship of the goddess transformed from ethereal to earthly.

*Morph into Ecchi Fanboy form!*

Though I wouldn't be adverse to also being witness to some hot yuri action between Integra and Rip Van. Then throw Yomiko Readman in there for good measure. Yummy.
Miscellany: Writer for Okashina Okashi

Name: Kenshin
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, IxSelf, AxVampire Hunter Amanda
Personality: Goth . . . child of the night . . . true nosferatu!! --he wishes. Goth; likes the night; wears red contacts. Ultimate rival is a schoolmate named Alexander Maxwell. Paranoid.
Rant: I'M AN ABSOLUTE MANIAC!!! MY OBBSESSION WITH SIR INTEGRA FARBROOK WINGATES HELLSING KNOWS NO BOUNDS! I BOW IN AWE OF HER SPLENDIDLY BRITISH BEAUTY! I OOGLE HER PICTURES ON MY BEDROOM WALLS! I AM BLINDED BY HER POWER. I AM MADDENED BY THE DESIRE TO TASTE SWEET HELLSING BLOOD! I ENVY ALUCARD......OH, YES.......I AM BUT A YOUNG NOSFERATU LONGING FOR WHAT CAN NEVER BE!!!!!!
Miscellany: Website